If only changing his name would've fixed the problem...

Last night, Dillon popped popcorn. Besides all other food groups human, popcorn tends to be one of Chelsea's favorite foods. Dillon decided he'd see how far he could throw the popcorn kernel and Chelsea could still catch it in her mouth.

I'm thinking at least half a mile, but who am I?

While backing up & throwing, Dustin decides he wants in on this act. So, he kneels down next to Chelsea to see if Dillon can throw popcorn in his mouth. It's at that precise moment, my "I'm-excellent-with-kids" dog reaches out and snatches the popcorn not an inch from Dustin's face.

She's such a gooooooood dog...

Chelsea one, Dusty none. She's forever taking food from that child...

This morning, while Chelsea was in bolted in the garage eating her breakfast, Dusty and I were having toasted peanut-butter sandwiches for breakfast while watching "Good Morning America."

Big news, Rod Blagojevich was sentenced to fourteen years. I think he should've gotten an even twenty in a maximum security lock-up just for breathing, he's such a crooked politician, but nobody asked me...

Dusty is quietly munching on his peanut butter sandwich, watching the news when he blurts out--

"That's not his name!!! His name is Keith Lyons!!!!"

I look at the tv for confirmation.

Yep, still watching Rod admit he was wrong while his wife, Patty, who I am sure is about to sue for divorce and take back her maiden name, stands faithfully at his side, crying softly.

Puuuuhhhhyyyyuuuuuke.

But, back to the name change.

"Who are you talking about???" I ask, glancing back at the tv.

Rod's bad hair is still filling the television screen.

"That guy!"

"What'd you say his name really is?"

"Keith Lyons." Dusty's sure of it.

I'm doing my mental run-down of who in the world this kid is referring to, when it hits me...

"The guy from Peoria?"

"Yeah, I think he is."

"Seen him on tv? The news?"

"Yeah."

"How's this name sound, 'Kevin Lyons'?"

Dusty chews on this thought and his breakfast, and says, "Well, maybe."

"Okay, buddy...Kevin Lyons used to be our State Attorney. He took a position that I believe required votes from the public, or maybe he required them to be State Attorney. Either way, he's not our State Attorney anymore. I know him, Dusty, I used to work in his office (pre-dinosaur days, I could get a job). That man on the tv, going to prison, is not Kevin Lyons. That man is our former governor and he's going to prison and I'm not getting into that conversation."

"Oh. Okay."

"However, you are on the money. They do bear a resemblance. Especially with allllll the hair they sport.

I'm pretty sure it would've taken more of a name change for Rod to beat the rap and go out on the lam. Perhaps a new hair cut...

Michael Jackson & a loaf of bread

The day after Thanksgiving, I program the Christmas radio station onto my car radio and I don't change the channel until December 26th. My children are forced to listen to Christmas music in my vehicle. Dillon hates it. Of course, he's a teenager and it's rare when I do something he likes.

Dustin rarely complains about it, but did comment that a song by Harry Connick Jr. was depressing. I guess because it was slow. Not being a big fan of Harry's, I was good with his remark.

After leaving hitting practice tonight, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" came on the radio. I thought for sure, Dustin will like this one.

About the second verse, Dustin blabs, "This chick cannot sing."

"What??? It's not a chick, Dustin. It's Michael Jackson from when he was with the Jackson Five!"

I gotta quit talking to this kid while I'm driving. He drops one of these comments on me and I nearly put my truck into oncoming traffic.

Dustin looks at me in disbelief.

"Yes. It is. He used to sing lead in front of his brothers when he was a little boy, Dustin. He probably wasn't nine years old when this song was recorded."

Stunned, "That's Michael Jackson?"

"Yep. Actually, it's the only time I liked him. When he was little. He was so stinkin' cute."

...Goin' back to Indiana, Indiana here I come....

After the song ends, Dustin does his best imitation of Michael Jackson singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" and he sounds pretty darn close to the real thing...perhaps a perm...

We travel a little farther along Creek Road, when Dustin lays this question out:

"How can a trailer with bread or potatoes or rolls weigh so much?"

Obviously, he's started speaking mid-thought. This happens alot. Sometimes Dusty doesn't realize I can't hear him think...

"Let's start over. What's the question?"

"Okay. A semi with a trailer filled with bread. How come it weighs eight tons? It's bread."

Oh, boy.

"Well, you have to take into account how much the semi weighs, how much the engine weighs, the tires, the trailer and then you add in the weight of the bread. Just because it's bread doesn't mean it's light. When you ship bread, it's usually stored on stackable plastic trays, so the trays add to the weight. If you stack a loaf of bread on top of a loaf of bread and keep going, you smash the bread. Now, just because one loaf of bread doesn't weigh very much, it doesn't mean 5,000 loaves of bread are light because one loaf is light. It all adds up," I'm hoping I explained shipping bread well enough for him to understand. We won't discuss weight or balance...

I was interested in a position with a major manufacturer in the area that pertained to shipping, although I have 12 years of experience in the shipping industry with one of the biggest shipping companies in the world, my experience is from ten years ago; therefore, I am a dinosaur and I don't really know shit.

"How much is a ton?"

Come on, kid, ask me something simple. Like, how many feet are in a mile.

"A thousand pounds?"

"So, an eight ton truck weighs eight thousand pounds? No, an eight ton truck weighs sixteen thousand pounds."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, there's two thousand pounds in a ton, so an eight ton truck weighs sixteen thousand pounds."

"Really? Well, then, what the hell did you ask me for???"

He laughs at me, "I don't know."

"Words cannot express the depth of my love for you, child."