Excessive Force

Hit my first house bright & early this morning, off to a great start! Left there & headed to the center of town to pick up my Dyson from repair. I was cruising happily down Sheridan, took a left on McClure and boom! there it was, an accident. Paramedics. Fire Engine. Squad Car. In the distance, a black wrecker. Huh. I sat for a moment, and the white Hyundai in front of me started to move. Being the heifer that I am, I followed. I assumed there was SOMEONE up ahead directing traffic. The accident appeared to be clearing up. The doors were closed on the ambulance. I didn't see anyone loitering. The flatbed was loading up a little red car far from being in dire condition. It was at this point, I realized the error of my ways... ...there was NO ONE directing traffic... Here I was, in the oncoming lane, white Hyundai no longer in my vision and there's nobody directing traffic. Oooops. About the time I realized there was No One Directing Traffic, I heard a man bellow, "HEY!" I stopped the Honda and looked over my right shoulder. Nobody to my right, nobody behind me-- What the hell---? At that precise moment, a man practically screamed in my driver's side window, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?????" That be Law Enforcement. Having seen No One, imagine my stunned surprise when I realized Officer Friendly was standing less than three feet away from my open driver's side window, Sputtering with Rage. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I immediately began to tremble. I've been driving 31 years, folks. THIRTY-ONE YEARS BEHIND THE WHEEL: three minor accidents involving law-enforcement, two speeding tickets and ONE expired license and NEVER in my LIFE has someone in Law Enforcement been anything but polite to me. NEVER. Regardless of what I may or may not have done... I attempt to collect myself. "What was the question, Dawn?" my brain asked. Oh, yeah. "I'm going to get my vacuum," I answered myself. Although the brain is still firing, I cannot manage to form a complete sentence, I am so stunned. My brilliant response to Officer Friendly was: "Going." To which he yelled: "WHERE ARE YOU GOING????" Well, hell, Officer, ya caught me--I'm a rolling Meth Lab... Ya caught me, Officer, Robert Snowden in Drag...The State Department can rest easy knowing YOU were the brave soul on the job. The one responsible for catching Robert Snowden. And here President Obama thought his ass was in Russia. Nope. He's dressed in drag, driving a white Honda CR-V through mid-town Peoria, at the intersection of Knoxville & McClure. Step up for your medal of honor, sir... Officer, ya caught me--doing mach 3 in a combo school zone/construction zone talking on my cell phone AND texting. Wellllll, I'll be dipped, Officer, ya caught me: DUI at 0900 on a Monday morning, convicted felon armed to the gills. Better call ATF for back-up... But, back to Officer Friendly, spewing forth venom: "WHERE ARE YOU GOING???" Stilllll stammering, I responded: "There." Brilliant, Dawn. Keep 'em comin'... "HOW ARE YOU GOING THERE WHEN I HAVE THE LANE BLOCKED????" It was at this point in time, my brain began firing correctly and I was instantly able to put this entire scenario In Perspective... ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? You wanna cuff me, you Jack Ass??? Why don't you tase me, while you're at it, you arrogant b*stard. It was an Honest Mistake, why don't you crucify me along with humiliate me in front of the line of traffic you've got backed-up here while you grind your Point of Authority home??? And then I thought to myself, "Well, Asshole, you don't have the ROAD blocked, so I was gonna use THAT." Thankfully, my sunglasses were perched perfectly on my face. Had they been askew, he'd have clearly seen the absolutely livid, furious look I had especially for him. "Where do you want me to go?" I spit out from between clenched jaws. "BACK UP!" And he pointed his finger behind me, whereupon there were 25 cars lined up behind his Scene. I did just that. I backed up 80 feet to the nearest parking lot, calmly turned my car around and surprised myself by not peeling-out, laying rubber, or fish-tailing. I did, however, fly The Bird for Officer Friendly, but I did so Under The Radar. I looked in my rear-view mirror to find him standing in the middle of The Road, staring at my vehicle as it pulled away. Was he waiting for The Bird? Or was he making a note of my license plate for future reference? Hopefully he has the memory of an elephant, if he talks to everyone the way he spoke to me, he has a lot of license plates to remember. I am very thankful I was alone. Had my husband been in the car, I'm pretty sure he'd be in County right now, awaiting his next hearing. What frightens me the most is: what if that had been my child who had been driving and had become confused? What if my child had become frightened and took off? What then? Furthermore, what was wrong with walking up to the window and asking, "Ma'am, what are you doing?" I understand he's not patroling the nicest of areas, but for the love of God, I thought I was going to Hell for making a mistake. I really thought that there was someone directing traffic. Really, I did. But the slope of the road, I couldn't tell. So, I followed the white Hyundai. That car was probably Robert Snowden in drag cooking meth, dead drunk at 0900 on a sunny, Monnday morning, armed to the teeth...