Legs

Last night was the season opener for my favorite show, Dancing With The Stars.

The men in my house complain long and loud over the fact that my show trumps their two million re-runs of hunting or cartoons. I don't care. I never get to watch television, so when I find something I like, they can work around me for a switch.

It's not like I'm making them watch shows about sewing, scrapbooking or making jewelry. The women are usually knock-outs and they're always half-dressed...

Four of us were crammed into a queen-size bed last night, commenting on whether so-and-so had any rhytym. You can stick that word "musicality" in your ear. Rhythym, folks, beat.

Not that I'm an expert, mind you. It's a safe bet that the person holding all the rhythym in this house is my husband.

About a quarter of the way into the show, this tall, top-heavy blonde heads onto the dance floor. She's a sportscaster for football or something...and my husband comments, "Wow. Her legs gotta be ten-feet long."

Grrr.

Whereupon my youngest pipes in with, "Yyyyeaaaaahhhhh."

Birdy and I exchanged looks of surprise over Dustin's head. Perhaps this really isn't family television after all...maybe we should be watching the hunting channel...or Disney...or a ShamWow infomercial.

Further into the show, one of the professional dancers appeared wearing a white fringe dress with a flesh-toned body-hugging liner. As she moved, it appeared her bosom was poking out.

I did a double-take. "Wow, there for a second, I thought that was her actual b___ showing."

Dustin blurts out, "YYYYYyyyyeeeeaaaaahhhh, me tooooooooooo."

Rob burst out laughing, as did Dillon. "Dustin!" I exclaimed, "You really don't need to be looking for those things."

"Whatever, Mom."

Needless to say when Pam Anderson strutted onto the dance floor wearing a sequinned cotton-candy-pink, barely-there outfit, blonde hair teased nearly as high as the mirrored ball, all three of the men in my house held their breath.

I'm sure the littlest one was hoping the straps would give way on that get-up...

It might be comical now, but that kid's going to be hitting high school in a few years...I'm not looking forward to that.